Love Hurts
by Ashlee1
Summary: Scene from ‘The Measure of Men’ that could have changed everything.


Love Hurts By: Ashlee  
  
Disclaimer: Donald Bellisarrio owns them. I just borrow and torture them with a little angst once in a while :) It's fun!  
  
Authors note: Started on Nov. 13, 2000 at 12:30 am and ended at 1:33am the same day. I got this idea while watching the ep and needed to end it my way :)  
  
Rating: G!! I think this is my first G rating!  
  
Category: HMR  
  
Summery: Scene from 'The Measure of Men' that could have changed everything.  
  
Archiving: Please ask first  
  
===  
  
"What? You're mad at me? Renee's father died!" I say incredulously. What had started out as me trying to talk to Mac, to clear the air, to find out why she was running from me had taken a bitter turn for the worse, and I was at the receiving end.  
  
"And if he hadn't?" She asked, her head cocked to the side to look at me, her eyes full of sorrow, of fear, of doubt.  
  
I was taken aback by the question. A little confused, I replied, "We would have talked."  
  
"About what?" I know that's she's trying to make me say it, drawing me in and doing quite well at accomplishing that goal, though I'm still hesitant. Its one thing to tell your self something in your head, but it's quite another to come out and say it. Saying it out loud makes it real, you can't take it back and I'm not sure if I should risk it. Not if I don't know how she feels first.  
  
"About us." I say, as if that were the most obvious thing in the world; she knows that as well as I do.  
  
"There is no *us*. There's you and Renee." I swear I detect a hint of sadness in her words, some hostility, maybe. Before I can interject she continues. "Mic gave up the Navy and his country for me, would you give up your girlfriend?" She asks, staring at me, willing me to answer.  
  
I look at her, shocked. I freeze up, fear over taking every other function of my body. My head screams at me to answer her, but my heart, not willing to risk itself without proof, tells me to make her confess first. Paralyzed by the fear, it takes me a second to form my next words. "What if I did?" I wince at her look.  
  
"Will you answer my question?"  
  
I can tell that's she's agitated, but I can't stop myself, I have to know. I have to be certain that she and I are on the same page. Risking my heart.if she said no I don't know what I would do. Play it safe Rabb, make her go first. "If you'll answer mine."  
  
Definitely the wrong thing to say if the look she gives me is any indication. I can almost see her storing all this away, packing up her cognitive bags and leaving the conversation. I see the hurt and the anger and I want to take all the words back. "I am so sick of these games." She says, walking to the other side of the room.  
  
I hang my head, I can't sit here and let it all slip away, I have to take a risk. It's about damn time that I did. I've been backing out of this thing every time that I've had to face it. I don't know why I'm being such a wuss about this whole thing. I know that she loves me. I can see it in her eyes, I can see it when I hurt her, I can feel it when I'm next to her. My brain finally over rides my hearts reluctance and the words that I have been meaning to say all along finally come out. "Yes, I would." But when I turn to see her reaction, she isn't there.  
  
What the??? I think to myself. I look around for her, thinking that perhaps my mind is playing tricks on me. Shit, she's gone! I run to the door, desperate to tell her now that I have admitted the truth out loud. I'm not sure that I can do that again, and I need to tell her while I still have the scruples to do it. I catch my self on the edge of the hatch, spinning to look down the corridor. "Mac!!! I would!!" I yell down the hall, and she stops in her tracks.  
  
"I would Mac, I mean I have." Mac turns and looks at me, shocked.  
  
"You what?" She asks, crossing her arms over her chest.  
  
"I.when we got back from the funeral I told her it was over, that there was somebody else." I said, forcing it all out at once, not caring who heard.  
  
Mac began walking back towards me. "Lets take this back into quarters," she said. Obviously she hadn't forgotten that people were listening to two senior officers about to admit something that was strictly against regulations. She sat on the chair and I sat on her bed, we were facing each other now. "You two broke up?"  
  
I nod, hanging my head trying to gather my thoughts. Slowly I look up at her, locking eyes. "After my crash, one thing was very clear to me, I loved you. I have for a long time, I just couldn't admit it for one reason or another. The crash, it made things painfully obvious. Something could happen and I would never be able to tell you how I felt, I would never know how you felt about me. The night that Brumby left, well I knew that was my chance. I was going to tell you, Mac, I wanted to. I had everything ready for when you came. Candle light, some soft music playing, but then Renee came over and told me her father died." I stop, splaying my hands in front of me. "I couldn't tell her, not when her father had died. I felt guilty enough for leading her on when I knew that I loved you. Helping her through that was the least that I could do." I look at her, trying to make her understand.  
  
Mac stared back at me. I could see her contemplating my words, playing them over in her head. She looked at me thoughtfully, her head cocked to the right. "When I pulled up to your house that night and saw you holding her." she paused, looking down at her hands. After a few seconds she looks back up at me and I feel so guilty that it hurts. "I thought you had made your choice. I know you said we would talk when you got back, and maybe it was selfish of me, but I needed you. It just seems to be a pattern with us. Whenever I need you, really need you, you never seem to be there. You play hero to everyone *but* me, Harm. The one person who has *always* been by your side, through everything, yet in my time of need you always seem to be otherwise occupied."  
  
She looks at me, her eyes filled with years of pain that I would do anything to take away. Knowing that I caused that, knowing that she is right, it made me want to take her in my arms and apologize a thousand times over, and even that wouldn't be enough. "I can't take that Harm. One of the things I love about you is your sense of duty, but I need you to show me that you love me. Your word, it's just not good enough, not anymore. I need proof, I need you to show me in the things that you do. You've hurt me a too many times for me to take it at face value anymore."  
  
I nod solemnly. I can't believe that I did this to her. I never realized.I guess I always am the last to know. What is it they say? Fools are kind of blind? I guess that would be me. I sigh and reach out to take her hand. I look her straight in the eye. "Mac, I would do anything for you. I don't know how to prove that to you right now, but I'll think of something. The thing is, I love you, more than anything. More than flying, more than JAG, and I would give up anything to be with you. You are, by far, the most amazing woman I have ever known."  
  
The words are sincere and I can see that she knows that I mean every last one of them. She smiles slightly at me and squeezes my hand. "I love you to, flyboy. I have for a long time." She leans forward and reaches a hand behind my head, pulling me towards her. I'm pretty sure I look like a deer in the headlights from the way that she's grinning, but that all changes when I feel her lips on mine. It's a sensation that I am sure that no man who has ever kissed Sarah McKenzie has ever forgotten.  
  
As she pulls away I flash my famous flyboy smile at her. "Yup, it's confirmed, I would give up anything to be able to kiss you on a regular basis."  
  
She smiles at me, but after a few seconds her smile turns wicked. I wince visibly under it, afraid of what she's about to say. "Anything huh?" She asks.  
  
I look at her, unsure. "Well, maybe I should rephrase that statement."  
  
Her grin gets wider. "You get to be the one that tells the Admiral when the time comes then."  
  
I wince and she laughs. "That's not fair!" I exclaim, "Jeez, you make a couple of mistakes and you pay for it with your life!"  
  
Coming over to sit next to me on the bed, she wraps an arm around my shoulders as I hunch over feigning dejection. "Well, you know what they say, love hurts!" She said chuckling and giving my shoulders a squeeze. I turn to her and smile, pulling her in for a long kiss. Love may hurt, but dear God, the rewards are worth every second of the pain endured.  
  
THE END 


End file.
